Anagha Sainath Week #12: Sweaty Palms, Stumbles, and the Story of the Worst Speech I Ever Gave

     When sitting at my desk, mulling over ideas for my last blog on the topic of power, it occurred to me that there was only one direction I was interested in taking for this grand finale—finding my own power (and how you can find your own too).

    I still remember my first Model UN conference like it was yesterday. I showed up to Foothill High School alongside my fellow delegates, and I strode with a stomach-churning mix of anticipation and anxiety to the classroom where my committee was being held. It was a fictional crisis committee based on Percy Jackson, meaning that the situation we were thrust into was constantly changing and evolving as time went on. As I stood up to give my opening speech, I could feel my legs begin to tremble as sweat suddenly drenched my palms. With smudged notes and frantic eyes, I attempted to produce a coherent sentence. But looking around the room at all of these accomplished, successful high schoolers, my blazer began to feel less like a suit of armor and more like a hot, sweaty prison. In that moment, delivering what was admittedly the worst speech of my academic and extracurricular career, I felt completely and utterly powerless.

    I know that I’m not alone in this feeling. Teen anxiety is on the rise, and self-consciousness pervades our minds—whether through social media or simply the environment we surround ourselves with. That feeling of powerlessness was something I never wanted to experience again—so I completely changed my mindset around confidence and how I present myself. Through self-affirmation, a “fake it till you make it” mindset, and constant practice, I have been able to improve my performance dramatically, both in competitive settings and in my daily life. 

    At my most recent Model UN conference, I employed all of these strategies and more, visualizing myself as a confident and powerful leader rather than the scared little kid I felt like on the inside. Ultimately, I was successful in my pursuits and won my first ever award, an achievement that did not seem conceivable even a mere year ago. Now, I am about to chair a committee (knock on wood) for the first time ever, and I cannot wait to see kids just like myself and give them the power and confidence they need to keep pursuing this endeavor.

    Now, I don’t claim to be an authority on power. I still feel self-conscious, my stage fright has not magically vanished. I haven’t turned into a new person—I simply uncovered a resilience that had truly been with me all along, albeit unused. 

    So, how can you harness your inner power and be at peace with yourself? In my opinion, it all begins with positive self-talk. I walked into my first conference thinking I would do badly, so I walked out inevitably empty-handed, my tail between my legs. If you tell yourself that you are strong, that you can stand up to that one passive-aggressive peer or deliver your first-ever speech, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised with the results.